


Kim Junmyeon Wants to Date Dumb Super-Hot-Tall Guy and His Dumber Super-Hot-Tall Boyfriend

by glockmemoir



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Hani is in this deal with it, I got too happy with italics im sorry, I have trauma, I will forever push my Kai is baby agenda, Jong bros, Jun is kinda thirsty in this whoops, Junmyeon just kinda exists, Kris is a TA, Light Angst, M/M, OT3, chanyeol is a barista, side Kaisoo - Freeform, side Taohun, side baekxing, side xiuhan, sorry to any and all Global/International/Foreign affairs students, why does no one write about Kris's car fetish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:48:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25655410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glockmemoir/pseuds/glockmemoir
Summary: Yifan likes cars, Chanyeol can drive a car, and Junmyeon  can spell car.This story isn't about cars at all.
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Park Chanyeol, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Park Chanyeol/Wu Yi Fan | Kris, Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Wu Yi Fan | Kris, Park Chanyeol/Wu Yi Fan | Kris
Comments: 8
Kudos: 89





	Kim Junmyeon Wants to Date Dumb Super-Hot-Tall Guy and His Dumber Super-Hot-Tall Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> This was kinda a mess and took me way too long to write it, but enjoy.
> 
> Most of this was written when I saw supposed to be sleeping rip.

“You know, when your alarm is going off, and you have roommates, the polite thing to do would be to _turn it off_.” 

Jongdae sounds irritated, but Junmyeon’s sleep-fuzzed brain isn’t exactly capable of fully registering that fact; his bed too warm, blankets too comfortable for him to consider paying Jongdae any sort of attention. Jongdae groans, an “ _I hate this lazy bitch”_ falling from his lips as he (presumably) makes his way over to Junmyeon’s side of the room to turn his alarm off for him. 

“Remember this the next time you’re bitching at me for having an 8 am” and, with that, Jongdae is out of their shared dorm room, probably going to grab a shower from the communal bathroom down the hall. Junmyeon doesn’t remember hearing him gathering his stuff. 

Eventually, Junmyeon does get around to getting out of bed, the threat of a Starbucks line the length of the Nile motivating him to do so. It’s a shame that the closest coffee shop to his dorm also happens to be both the slowest and the smallest coffee shop on campus. If he wanted coffee before the next millennia, he’d have to go before the Global Affairs kids got out of class and, glancing at his phone, he only had a good fifteen minutes before then. 

Swearing under his breath, Junmyeon begrudgingly gets out of bed, cursing any and everything in existence for making the fall/winter period so goddamn _cold_. He could feel his balls squeezing towards his body in protest of the frigid air.

Fuck mid-November weather.

He goes through the motions of his morning routine- he showers at night so all he has to do is wash his face and teeth, get dressed, and make sure his hair isn’t pea-cocking- on 2x speed, the need for caffeine being his main motivation. He’s fresh and dressed in record time, his hair /thankfully/ not putting up much of a fight and just falling near his temples from his middle part. He’s climbing down the stairs and out his dorm’s door in record speed. 

The walk to the corner café is quick, thanks to it being around the corner from his building. It's small, located on the bottom floor of a neighboring residence hall. There are windows lining the tops of its outward-facing walls, a wooden built-in bench running along the bottom of one of the windowed walls, a few tables and chairs in front of it. A good 4 couples could sit comfortably within the entirety of the coffee shop. 

The counter sits in front of the door, a lone crowd control belt sitting a few feet in front of it. The wall to the right of him (one of the two without windows) is lined with open refrigerators, small (overpriced) pre-made sandwiches and packages of cheese and crackers nestled within its shelves, bottled water and kombuchas sitting at the bottom. Junmyeon pointedly ignores those.

When it is his turn, he walks up to the counter and, okay, there’s another reason for his rush to get to this Starbucks before the GA kids, and it comes in the form of the super-hot-tall guy that mans the register on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays (not that Junmyeon has been paying attention or anything, he _totally_ hasn’t). Junmyeon has to make a conscious effort not to stare up (literally, the guy was at _least_ a head taller than him) at the guy and to focus his attention on the menu, even though he (and the super-hot-tall guy) already knew what he was going to order. 

“Hello, Junmyeon, may I offer you a two-for-one cake pop today?” Came the timbre voice. His adorably large ears moved a bit when he smiled (and he had dimples! Dimples!!), and the motion had absolutely no business being as endearing as it was. The man’s hair was dyed a soft pink color, the strands styled up and away from his face today. His nametag read “Chanyeol”, though Junmyeon has been here enough times to not need it. It was sad, really.

“Ah, no, thank you. Just my usual is fine.” Junmyeon replies, cheeks aflame from the way Chanyeol smiles at him before giving him his total, all dimples and positive energy. Junmyeon wanted to jump him. And devour him. Junmyeon needs to pay for his food.

His “usual” was a medium (he’s given up on trying to remember to say “grandè”) chocolate mocha with enough whipped cream on top of it to give whoever looks at it diabetes. He typically pairs it with a plain bagel and cream cheese (hidden within the little bag it comes in) to seem healthy. His dentist would argue against that. 

He walks off to the side of the counter, apologizing when he accidentally bumps into a guy sitting at one of the tables. Chanyeol is even more attractive at this angle, back muscles flexing underneath his t-shirt (it was 5 degrees outside, why he was wearing a fucking _t-shirt_ was beyond Junmyeon’s comprehension, he glances down at his oversized sweatshirt he stole from Sehun and tries not to flush) and practically leaking happiness and positivity from where he was perched behind the register. The other baristas were hard at work, moves almost hypnotic as they flit from machine to machine. Junmyeon feels dizzy looking at them. 

He was entirely too claustrophobic to work in such a small space. He was entirely too claustrophobic to be _anywhere_ , if he were to be completely honest with himself. 

He watches in horror as he spots a few people in suits approach the small café, chatting amongst themselves. _It’s the Global Affairs kids._ Junmyeon prays to every deity that he knows of that his order is completed before the second wave hits. Tuesdays are typically the worst, since that was the day that all of the Political Science majors had their early morning classes. Junmyeon shudders. 

It’s not that he has anything against the GA or Poli-Sci kids, but he abso-fucking-lutely has something against the GA and Poli-Sci kids. Last semester, he was in a final project with two Poli-Sci majors, a GA major, and a pre-law student. Needless to say, he was still traumatized. 

Luck was not on his side today. There had been two people in front of him in line and another two waiting for their drinks when he had come in, so the two baristas on staff were a bit behind (especially since people- _smart people_ \- were sending in their orders electronically. Junmyeon does so on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when Chanyeol _isn’t_ working. Don’t judge him). By the time the first wave hits, he could see the second on the horizon (or across the street. Pick your poison). His eye starts to twitch as he hears the tell-tale signs of Global affairs kids mansplaining- their main form of communication. 

He didn’t even know why they come here in the first place. Surely they can survive off their feelings of superiority and self-entitlement _just fine._

By the grace of, well, _someone_ , his name is called, an already overwhelmed barista ( _Minseok, if he remembers correctly_ ) holding out his order for him. Maybe he came here too often, the knowing smile on the man’s face making his own burn hot. He quickly grabs his order, all _but_ fighting his way to the entrance of the small café. For whatever reason, the people waiting for their drinks and in line don’t register that he is trying to _leave_ and glare at him despite his small “ _excuse me, sorry_ ”’s that flow from his mouth like water from a faucet. 

Sometimes Junmyeon wishes that he were bigger. 

────── 〔✿〕──────

  
  


Junmyeon dreams of becoming an art curator, working for some of the biggest art museums in Seoul. He adored art, despite not being very skilled with a pencil or brush himself, and so the idea of constantly being surrounded by it, that he could possibly have his own _collection_ in the future, excites him to no end. He enjoys his art history classes, they were quiet and not too crowded and the professors were chill. What he likes even more are the TAs, especially one in particular.

Wu Yifan was possibly the most _devastatingly_ handsome man he had ever met.

He was tall, _so tall_ , and handsome and _smart_ and made Junmyeon’s heart beat just that much quicker whenever he would turn his attention towards him (and the way that Junmyeon’s name rolled off of his tongue, _oh my god_ ). He leads discussion sections like he's been doing so his whole entire life, comandering whatever topic that they were discussing with a natural authority that never failed to get Junmyeon a little hot under the collar. Wednesdays were his absolute favorite days, Chanyeol in the mornings and Yifan in the afternoons. Jongdae calls him thirsty. Junmyeon respectfully disagrees. 

Today was no different (okay, it was _slightly_ different. He usually made it out of Starbucks _before_ the stampede). Junmyeon walks into his discussion section fifteen minutes before it is set to start. He’s coming from a literature class (an elective that he is surprisingly enjoying) that ends like twenty minutes before this one starts, so it only makes sense that he goes straight from there to here. It’s an added bonus that he gets a bit of alone time with Yifan.

And, okay, Yifan wasn’t _exactly_ Junmyeon’s TA, he’s been filling in for another (his actual one) who’s been out sick for the past month, so Junmyeon feels a little less bad for wanting to suck the Grad student’s dick. God bless Seulgi and her weak immune system.

Yifan looks amazing as always, dressed like he had just gotten off of a catwalk, long legs covered in black skinny jeans and lean torso hidden underneath a matching cable knit, expensive white sneakers and red accessories (a fucking _fanny pack_ that has no business looking as good as it did on him) adding a nice contrast to the otherwise monochromatic outfit. Junmyeon subtly wiped his jaw in case there was any drool on it. He wouldn’t put it past himself.

Okay, maybe he _was_ a little thirsty. 

Yifan was, luckily, too busy setting up his discussion presentation to notice Junmyeon’s blatant oogling. Forgoing the university computer, Yifan connected his own laptop to the projector (and, though he’s seen him do it hundreds of times, Junmyeon _still_ has absolutely no clue how he’s able to do it) and, okay, it was a bit funny to Junmyeon that his background was a car. It was the least Yifan thing that Junmyeon could think of, and yet here he was, staring at a picture of an old-looking ( _some people would refer to it as vintage_ , his brain supplies) teal car, some obscure brand (possibly American) written near its trunk.

This was Junmyeon’s moment. 

“Nice, uh, nice car you got there.” Junmyeon wanted to slap himself. That most definitely did _not_ come out how he had wanted it to. 

Thankfully, it seems to be the right opener, as Yifan’s eyes _light up_ at the mention of the car on his screen (he still has yet to actually pull up his presentation). “Thanks! It's a classic Ferrari, there’s only, like, 3 in the world at the moment. I saw her [yes, he actually referred to this car as a _her_ ] at a show about a month ago. She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”

Okay, Junmyeon has absolutely _zero_ car knowledge. The most he can do is _spell the fucking word_. This was going to be difficult.

“Yeah,” he awkwardly starts, hoping that his vehicular ignorance wouldn’t be too much of a turn off. “You saw... _her_ at a show? Was someone performing with it? I’ve seen plenty of artists use cars in their music videos, but I never thought it was possible to get one on a stage.” Junmyeon furrows his eyebrows, trying to picture the car on Yifan’s desktop on a Music Bank stage. He was having difficulties. 

Yifan laughs at him, making Junmyeon’s cheeks burn a bit. _Why hasn’t he pulled up his presentation yet?_

“No, no one was performing with it. It was a _car_ show, you know, where they show _cars_ .” Yifan, thankfully, starts to actually pull up his presentation, some 4 or 5 slides that were more likely than not just key figures and works with an occasional question thrown in. To be fair, it _was_ a discussion section, not a second lecture. He continues to chuckle even as the other students in the section begin to trickle in, shooting him questioning looks as they walk through the door. 

Junmyeon’s cheeks refuse to calm down until well after Yifan starts the section. It doesn’t help that Yifan kept sneaking in little car-related jokes into their discussion about Picasso just to tease him. How he managed to do so was beyond Junmyeon’s knowledge.

And when Junmyeon trips over Yifan’s laptop bag on his way out the classroom, Yifan’s resulting laughter causes Junmyeon’s cheeks to redden once more.

_Fucking inanimate objects._

────── 〔✿〕──────

  
  


Junmyeon laments his issues with his shitty friends at a shitty diner just slightly off campus, a weekly tradition that they have had since freshman year.

Jongdae was cackling with Satan's child, known more formally as Baekhyun, over Junmyeon’s lack of social prowess with people he finds attractive. The latter has been making jokes at Junmyeon’s expense for the past twenty minutes they’ve been there. Yixing was looking at them [read: Baekhyun] fondly, quietly sipping his lemonade in between disgustingly soft smiles. Sehun was a recent addition to their group, a first year dance major that Yixing had taken under his wing and brought into their small circle of friends. Junmyeon has since adopted him.

Though, at the mischievous grin on his face, Junmyeon is beginning to question his decision. 

Jongin, Jongdae’s younger brother, was nestled up against his hyung’s side, quietly nursing a cup of hot chocolate like the big baby that he was. He was Junmyeon’s favorite. 

“Listen! At least I _tried_ to talk to him, which is more than most of you can say!” Junmyeon whines, even pouting a bit at the group’s (sans Yixing and Jongin, though Junmyeon is pretty sure the latter is just tired. It _is_ past his bedtime) teasing. It’s not _his_ fault he wasn’t gifted with boundless car facts. He’s a normal person.

“Hyungs, let’s stop embarrassing him. He does it enough all on his own.” Sehun laughs at him, his annoying ass hyena laugh making Junmyeon’s eye twitch. Yep, Jongin was _definitely_ his favorite.

“I can’t believe you didn’t know what a _car show_ was. What do you even see in him anyways? Dude always looks pissed off. He’s kinda scary.” Baekhyun says, finally calming down after thoroughly checking the limits to which Junmyeon’s cheeks can redden. It seems to be the only thing the asshole does with him nowadays. 

Junmyeon needs new friends. 

He was about to defend his romantic interests, but was distracted by the chime of the door, signaling that someone had entered. Judging by the way that his entire friend group positively lights up, he could only guess who had just entered the small diner.

He’s not prepared for what he sees when he turns around.

Walking hand-in-hand to one of the empty tables was both Yifan AND Chanyeol, all matching couple jackets and smiles as they stroll towards their table like they’re in a disney movie. Junmyeon’s poor, love-deprived heart sinks to his ass. He’d say feet, but he’s sitting down, so ass it is.

Because _of course_ super-hot-tall guy would have an equally super-hot-tall boyfriend. Super-hot-tall people were only supposed to be around equally super-hot-tall people. It was a law of physics. 

And Junmyeon, Junmyeon was neither super hot nor tall. He could barely reach the topmost shelf in his closet even _if_ he was standing on his toes, and his fluffy brown hair and painfully average wardrobe made him look like a confused middle schooler on his best days. He wasn’t ugly, that much he knew, but he was positively not at the same level of _sex-on-legs that_ the two men that he had been oogling since the semester started were on. 

The two seemed to be on a date, if the soft, fond smiles and chaste kisses that they were exchanging was anything to go but. And, not that Junmyeon was judging or anything, but who has a date night on a _Wednesday_? If there was a less romantic day than Monday, it was definitely Wednesday. 

But he’s not in their relationship, and never will be.

Maybe his disappointment shows on his face, because his table goes silent. He feels a hand rubbing his back, finds that it belongs to Sehun, and leans into it. 

────── 〔✿〕──────

Fate is decidedly not on his side today, as him and his friends end up finishing their food at around the same time as Chanyeol and Yifan. The rest of their meal had been a relatively quiet affair, save for the few moments that either Jongdae or Yixing would check in with Jongin to make sure he hadn’t fallen asleep (he had), or the times when Baekhyun and Yixing would whisper quietly amongst themselves. He hoped that, at the least, they would not have to cross paths on the way out the door.

Junmyeon isn’t so lucky.

“Junmyeon? Junmyeon! Hey!” He hears Yifan call out to him. He plasters a smile onto his face before turning around, raising his hand to wave at the couple.

“Hello Yifan, hello Chanyeol.” He inwardly praises himself when his voice doesn’t shake. Call him dramatic, but finding out that the two _super-hot-tall_ guys that he likes are dating _each other_ is a rather… unfortunate experience. 

“I didn’t know you two knew each other.” Yifan says, glancing between both Chanyeol and him and, _oh no_ . The very _last_ thing Junmyeon needed was for Chanyeol to reveal Junmyeon’s creepy recurring appearances at the Starbucks he worked at. 

“I work at a Starbucks, Fan. He’s just one of my regulars.” Chanyeol replies, waving his hand dismissively. And, okay, _ouch_ . They were very much on a first name basis. Hell, nowadays Junmyeon didn’t even _need_ to tell Chanyeol his order, the latter just asking “the usual?” and sparing Junmyeon the energy. Sometimes the two would even chat for a few moments, if Junmyeon got there early enough and Chanyeol didn’t have any customers waiting on him. They were at the very least acquaintances. 

He was more than just a _regular_. 

“Welp,” Junmyeon starts ( _welp???_ ), “It’s getting pretty late. I’ll see you guys around.” Junmyeon deserves an Oscar for keeping his smile plastered onto his face. He watches them climb into a _ridiculously cool_ car (Chanyeol’s, he figures, since he’s the one getting into the driver’s seat) with a final wave before turning to face his shitty group of friends. “Please don’t give me shit for saying ‘welp’.” 

“We weren't- or, well, at least _I_ wasn’t.” Baekhyn pipes up, a sympathetic smile on his face. Junmyeon both appreciates it and despises it. So what both of the guys that he’s been crushing on are dating each other, he’s just a _regular_ at the shop one of them works at, it’s not the end of the world. Junmyeon shakes his head.

It _isn’t._ He’s _fine._

“I’m fine guys, really. Let’s head back to the dorms before it gets too late.” Jongdae looks like he wants to say something, but Junmyeon guesses the look on his face makes him drop it, so he instead nods his head, passing his younger brother off to Yixing before bidding everyone good night. It’s going on nine o’clock. 

────── 〔✿〕──────

Just because Junmyeon is _fine_ (he is, really), does not mean that he was going to prolong any interaction between both Yifan and Chanyeol any longer (or, well, at least with Chanyeol. Yifan was still Junmyeon’s TA, at least until Seulgi got better). It felt a bit odd to him to continue to put himself out there like he had been when he knew of the two’s relationship. Plus, he was a bit embarrassed by the whole situation. There was no way in _hell_ that either Yifan or Chanyeol would even find him remotely attractive. 

It's better that he knows now instead of finding out later, when he would’ve eventually found the courage to actually _make a move_ on either of them. He should be counting on his lucky stars that he even saw them that night. It’s saving him the future heartache.

It’s been a week since he saw ~the couple~ and Junmyeon has since stopped going to the Starbucks around the corner from his dorm. He now, as of last Thursday, goes to another coffee shop (it wasn’t even a _Starbucks_ , just some obscure indie café with, arguably, better coffee and lower prices) across campus. Sure, it was more inconvenient, but at least it had no Global Affairs or Political Science students (and no Chanyeol) and was a lot faster in dishing out orders. Junmyeon found that if he were to order from his phone before leaving his dorm, his order would be good and ready by the time he got there. It was also a lot bigger than the Starbucks near him, so there was more breathing room between waiting and dining customers.

It… it kinda sucked, actually. 

The baristas weren’t as nice at this shop, politeness too forced and smiles too tight at the sides to be genuine. He missed the positive energy that ~he who shan't be named~ had exuberated throughout the café. Hell, he even missed silently judging all the Poli-Sci and GA kids. There was no one here being a nuisance. Maybe he should bring Jongdae with him some time. 

And on top of all that, he had completely _bombed_ his last art history quiz.

He’s currently sat nursing his too-milky mocha with too-little whipped cream on top (the barista had looked at him as if he had grown a tentacle dick on his forehead when he asked for more whipped cream), looking over his notes from his art history lecture. As much as he’d been dreading it, he needed to wise up on his _Works of American Modernism_ if he wanted to be able to keep up with his classmates. He had been too distracted [read: too busy trying _not_ to stare at Yifan] during the lecture that he barely got any of what his professor had been lecturing about _._ The last thing he needed was for Yifan to think that he was both dumb AND horny.

He 100% _is_ both dumb and horny, but neither Yifan nor (by association) Chanyeol needed to know that.

He only had fifteen minutes before his literature lecture was set to start and all he’s done since he got to the damn coffee shop was brood and whine under his breath. The couple two tables away have been shooting him dirty looks the entire duration he’s been there. 

Junmyeon misses his old Starbucks. 

Where he’s sitting, Junmyeon can feel the random gusts of cold air that waft into the coffee shop whenever the door opens, and he’s already been conditioned to automatically look up whenever it opens, not unlike Pavlov’s dogs. Color him surprised when in walks fucking _Wu Yifan_ in all his super-hot-tall glory, this time sporting a white turtleneck underneath an oversized sweatshirt, some random English phrase written across his chest, and a pair of strait-legs that meet his trademark white designer sneakers flawlessly. He’s got a stupidly attractive bucket hat on and a pair of colored sunglasses, not _at all_ looking like the grad student he’s supposed to be. The _audacity_ of this man to look that good when he, only a week ago, shattered Junmyeon’s heart into tiny fragmented pieces is _astounding_.

Did Junmyeon mention that he’s _fine_? Because he totally is. 

Junmyeon slides a bit lower in his chair, crouching in a horribly awkward way to avoid being seen by Yifan. The couple two tables away are most _definitely_ silently judging him, if the weird looks he’s receiving from them are anything to go by. 

Junmyeon watches Yifan from behind his laptop screen, observing the way he rocks back and forth on his toes as he waits for his turn to order, or the way he irritatedly fixes the strap on his laptop bag every time it starts to slide off his shoulder (Junmyeon’s own shoulder starts to itch in sympathy). When he takes a glance around the shop, Junmyeon ducks a bit too harshly, slamming his forehead on his keyboard. He hisses out a swear word.

_Way to be discreet, Junmyeon._

“Junmyeon? What are you doing here?”

Junmyeon looks up at the voice, hand lightly rubbing at his throbbing forehead. “It’s a coffee shop, Yifan. What do you think?”

Yifan looks a bit put out at his wording (anyone would, really), furrowing his eyebrows a bit in confusion. “Don’t you usually go to the one Chanyeol works at?”

Junmyeon starts to panic a bit, since saying, “ _yeah, I do, but I have a huge gross crush on the both of you so seeing him kinda makes my heart bleed”_ would be in bad taste.

“I...uh...I was supposed to be meeting someone here! Yes! Um, but they cancelled last minute, so I thought I would stay here for a bit before rushing off my class, and wow! Would you look at that!” Junmyeon looks down at his right wrist. His watch is on his left. “It’s starting in five minutes! Gotta go! Bye bye, now!” Junmyeon rushes to pack up his computer and notes before darting past Yifan (and his stupidly handsome confused face), cheeks redder than a fire hydrant. 

_Who the_ fuck _says "bye bye, now" in 2020?_

────── 〔✿〕──────

Yifan may not be the most observant person in the world, but he notices enough about the people around him that he’s able to tell when something is off about them. 

There was something off about Junmyeon.

Junmyeon usually got to their discussion section a couple minutes earlier than everyone else (sometimes even earlier than Yifan), early enough that they’d usually be able to exchange a few words before the rest of the class trickled in. Yifan had come to look forward to those brief conversations that they’ve had for the past month he’s been subbing for Seulgi. 

Junmyeon was _never_ late. 

But, lo and behold, they were a good ten minutes into their discussion on American Modernism when Junmyeon bursts (literally, like a goddamn _supernova_ ) through the door of the classroom they were in, completely out of breath and blushing to high heaven. His brown locks were askew, a lovely combination of wind and stress, and his sweater was, somehow, inside out. Yifan was concerned.

“I’m so sorry I’m late! My last class went overtime and it's all the way across campus-”

“It’s fine, Junmyeon, there’s no need to explain yourself. Please sit down.” Junmyeon’s cheeks, if it were even possible, reddened even further. That, combined with his wide eyes and adorably disheveled appearance, made Yifan’s heart squeeze in his chest. 

He watches as Junmyeon shuffles to an empty desk, wincing every time the zipper on his bag clangs against the metal legs of the other desks on his way there. Junmyeon doesn’t seem to notice the noise, head seemingly in the clouds, judging by the fact that he ends up falling to the floor after miscalculating the distance between his ass and the desk chair. Yifan tries (and fails) to stifle a laugh, the task only getting more difficult when Junmyeon’s entire _being_ goes scarlet. 

_Cute._

-

They wrap up the session forty five minutes later (the discussion sections typically last around fifty five) with Yifan wishing everyone a good rest of the week. They were supposed to have a quiz during lecture that Friday, so he throws in a few “good lucks” in there as well (judging by the way that this session went, they were gonna need it). Junmyeon was still packing his notes up by the time most of the other students had left, so Yifan calls him over. “Hey Junmyeon? May I ask you something?”

Junmyeon looks a bit apprehensive at that, but he nevertheless makes his way over to where he’s sitting, worry etched onto his face.

“Is this about my tardiness? I’m _really_ sorry about that, my lit professor had lost track of time-”

“Junmyeon,” Yifan cuts him off, “Are you okay? Chanyeol’s told me that he’s been missing his favorite customer.” He smiles at Junmyeon, trying to calm his nerves. It doesn't work.

Yifan thinks he sees a look of panic cross Junmyeon’s features. “Oh! I’m fine! Starbucks was just getting a bit too expensive for me, haha! Is that all you wanted?” Junmyeon’s words came out rushed, an octave higher than his usual velvety tone. 

“Yeah, I guess. Good luck on the quiz on Friday.” Yifan doesn’t even get the beginnings of _Friday_ out before Junmyeon is out the door. 

_That was weird._

────── 〔✿〕──────

  
  


He relays these events to Chanyeol over dinner, a shared serving of tteokbokki that Chanyeol had made for the two of them. They were seated at their tiny dining table in their tiny apartment, both a bit too big for the tiny chairs that they were seated in. Their kitchen sits to their left, a large window to their right. A leafy green plant (fake, neither of them would’ve been able to keep it alive otherwise) that had been gifted to them by Minseok sits in the corner next to it, adding a bit of life to their otherwise dull dining area. 

They’re sat facing each other, Yifan facing their small living area where only a couch (thrifted), a living chair that did _not_ match it (a housewarming gift courtesy of Chanyeol’s parents), and a table on which their television sat (there also was a rug there, but it was so dirty from them doing ~things~ on it that Yifan doesn’t really want to think about it).

The only thing that meant anything to Yifan in their tiny apartment was his toy car collection, sitting in a glass box on their bookshelf that called the hallway it’s home. He had been building it since he was little, cherishing any and every small remake of his favorite car models that he received. Sometimes, if he was having a particularly bad or stressful day, he would pull a few out from their display and roll them around. It was childish, sure, but it helped. 

“He’s rather jumpy, huh?” Chanyeol says, an amused smile on his handsome face. Yifan can’t help but smile along with him (whether it’s because of Chanyeol’s smile or his thoughts of Junmyeon was a secret that he’d never tell).

“It’s cute. He’s cute.” They’ve had this discussion a few times, of their mutual attraction towards the tiny male. They both were polyamorous, there was no jealousy when they talked about people that either of them had taken an interest in (it helped when they ended up being interested in the same person). They both had made it a point to talk about these things, open communication in a relationship like theirs was necessary. 

“I can’t believe he’s cheating on me with _The Steam Room_ of all places. They suck! Their customer service is almost as bad as their americanos.” Chanyeol’s eyebrows furrow a bit, eyes alternating between staying normal and widening at every other word that tumbles from his mouth, as if his entire body can’t comprehend the sheer _audacity_ of it all. It’s awfully endearing. Yifan loves him so much. "Also, what kind of name is _The Steam Room_ anyway? It sounds like the name of a bad porno."

“He _did_ mention something about Starbucks being too expensive, you can’t fault him for that.” Yifan watches as a piece of rice cake flies out of Chanyeol’s mouth when he gasps at Yifan’s words, falling onto the already sticky tablecloth on the table (Chanyeol tends to drip sauce everywhere when he gets too excited). Kyungsoo was right, Chanyeol _was_ a child.

But he’s _Yifan’s_ child. That sounds a bit weird. 

Anyways.

“And don’t think that I forgot the fact that _you_ were at _The Steam Room_ as well. You had to be, if you saw him. I have two unfaithful men in my life. You both suck.”

“It was _right near_ my office! I didn’t have enough time to go across campus to get to where you work!”

“Excuses, excuses. I bet Minseok hyung doesn’t have these issues with Luhan hyung.”

"They work together." Yifan makes a face at the mention of the couple, hours and _hours_ of their seemingly endless PDA burned into his retinas. The two were practically _shameless_. Yifan even walked in on them once. He hasn’t stepped foot in their apartment since. 

He shivers at the memory.

────── 〔✿〕──────

In hindsight, maybe Junmyeon should’ve stayed home. 

He’d been so excited to go out with his (still shitty) friends to the nightclub that was about a fifteen minute walk from campus, where on Thursday nights they gave students a special discount on drinks. He flashed a middle finger at his art history notes (he was originally gonna study that night, he _did_ have a quiz the next day) and put on his “going out” jeans (black, skin-tight jeans that made his ass look _amazing_ ) and his “it’s cold outside but I still want dick” sweater (a slightly oversized black mock-turtleneck, one that makes him look cute and small and ready to be dicked down-)

There he goes again, being Thirsty.

But now that he’s here, he’s starting to regret his decision. Jongdae had brought his girlfriend (how _Jongdae_ got someone to date him was beyond Junmyeon’s comprehension), Baekhyun had snuck somewhere to do god knows what with Yixing, and Jongin and Sehun had ditched him to go dancing (okay, he _did_ encourage them to go out to the dance floor, but they had been eyeing it the minute they stepped into the venue, x’s on their hands and everything). He was alone. All dolled up and cute, but so _so_ alone.

He walked up to the bar and ordered the fruitiest, sugariest drink he knew, taking a glance around the glitzy nightclub. It wasn’t that big, the bar located off to the right of the entrance and overlooking the dancefloor. There were a few tables around the place, waiters and waitresses (and their non-binary counterparts) flitting from table to table, arms full of chicken wings and regrets.

A hand settles onto his shoulder, causing Junmyeon to jump a good three feet into the air. He only calms down when he hears the high pitched hyena laugh that sounded _suspiciously_ like Sehun. He turns around to face the demon.

“Hyung, why are you sitting here all by yourself? Come dance with me!” Sehun’s eyes are alight with life, the strobe lights from the dance floor coloring them every time they pass by.

  
The bartender sits Junmyeon’s drink in front of them, eyeing the x on Sehun’s right hand.

“I just ordered a drink, Sehunnie. I’m fine. Go have fun with Jongin.” Junmyeon replies, taking a sip of his drink. It’s a bit sour. Junmyeon pulls a face.

“He ditched me! He saw some short guy standing by a booth and left! You need to discipline him, you _never_ leave your friend alone in a club!”

The irony of his statement is lost on him.

“Then I guess you’ll have to hang out with your favorite hyung, then.” Junmyeon smiles up at him.

“Baekhyun is with Yixing.” The _brat_ replies, further cementing Jongin’s place as Junmyeon’s favorite dongsaeng. Junmyeon is about ten seconds away from putting the bastard up for adoption.

Junmyeon doesn’t grace him with an answer, but Sehun sits at the barstool next to him anyway, trying (and failing, Sehun was almost a head taller than him) to rest his head on Junmyeon’s shoulder. Junmyeon has to hold in his laughter at the childish gesture. 

Once a baby, always a baby. 

-

Sehun stays with him for a good ten minutes before a guy with black eyeliner smudged underneath his eyes comes up to them. Junmyeon thinks he looks kind of like a panda. 

The guy introduces himself as Zitao ( _"_ _but you”_ he’s looking at Sehun _“can just call me Tao”_ ) before whisking Sehun off to the dance floor (but not before Junmyeon eyes the x on the back of his hand, his mother hen tendencies kicking in. Sehun was a brat, but he was _his_ brat), leaving him alone again. He’s long done with his drink by now, opting to just pay for it right then since he wasn’t planning on drinking any more. He spots Jongin and some short guy at the edge of the dance area, doing something that was probably supposed to be grinding (the guy was a bit too short though, so Jongin’s flat ass was grinding on his stomach instead of his dick). 

He decides against trying to find Baekhyun and Yixing. Whatever they were doing, Junmyeon does _not_ want to know nor be a part of it. He contemplates looking for Jongdae, but he later decides against that too, he didn’t want to ruin his date. 

Junmyeon sighs. _It’s going to be a long night._

────── 〔✿〕──────

Junmyeon doesn’t end up getting any dick that night, but he _does_ end up being late to his art history class. 

He walks into the lecture with a burning face and hurt feelings. All of his friends (even fucking _Jongdae_ ) were either already in relationships or were starting new ones. The guy Jongin had been dancing with’s name, as the overexcited man-child had screamed at him over the phone that morning, was Kyungsoo, and he was studying to be a chef. Junmyeon was unaware that their university even _had_ a culinary arts program.

He learns something new everyday.

What he _didn’t_ learn, however, was any of the shit that was on the quiz in front of him. There were too many names of people, of places, of _paintings_ that he had neglected to study up on. 

_Great,_ he thought to himself, _another failed quiz._

Baekhyun was furiously scribbling answers down next to him, the temptation to just _look_ over and nab an answer (or two, or all of them) almost too much to bear. He had nothing to lose, anyway. Time was almost up and he had _nothing_ written down.

Just as he was about to say _fuck it_ and glance at Baekhyun’s paper, he felt a pair of eyes on him. He looks up and, lo and behold, Wu Yifan is staring him down, eyebrow raised as if he was _challenging_ him to cheat. He mouths _“office hours”_ at him (it actually took a good three tries before Junmyeon actually understood what he was saying, but alas, _details_ ), and Junmyeon sinks a bit in his seat.

He guesses he’ll see him on Tuesday.

────── 〔✿〕──────

Junmyeon was stressed all weekend. Jongdae laughed at his stress. Junmyeon hates him. If Jongdae winds up dead one day, well, that would be ~~tuff~~ _tough._

Junmyeon is the one who wants to die at the moment. He’s standing outside of Yifan’s office door, waiting for said man to open the door for him. This is his first time in the art history department headquarters, or, well, to the place where all the professor’s and TA’s offices were located. He usually didn’t need to see any of them. 

He didn’t even know TAs even had offices in the first place. Or _why._

Yifan opens the door, looking perfect as always. His long hair was being held up in a small bun, making his cheeks stand out a bit more than usual. While he usually looked quite intimidating (which was what had initially attracted Junmyeon to him to begin with), he now looked quite soft, _cute_. He had a small, welcoming smile on his face, allowing Junmyeon into the small room. 

Junmyeon sat down at one of the chairs facing the desk, expecting Yifan to sit at the chair behind the desk. He instead opts to lean against the front of it, legs only a handful of inches away from Junmyeon’s own. He gulps, eyeing the stacks of papers sitting on Yifan’s desk. _The quizzes._

“So you know you failed your last two quizzes, right?” Yifan starts, cutting right to the chase.and Junmyeon guesses that that was fair, considering the man almost watched him cheat.

“I know, I just… There’s just been a lot on my mind, a few things distracting me.” Like Yifan’s brown eyes, or the way he misses Chanyeol’s dimples, or the fact that he can’t shake his silly crush on two people he barely even _knows_.

Yifan inches closer, leaning a bit into Junmyeon’s space. Junmyeon doesn’t mind. He should, because Yifan has a _boyfriend_ , but he doesn’t mind it one bit. Junmyeon is a horrible person. 

“Distractions are never an excuse for cheating.” And, okay, there definitely was a double meaning to that statement, considering how close Yifan was to him now.

_He has a boyfriend he has a boyfriend he has a boyfriend he has a boyfr-_

“I can do better, Yifan. I promise.” The last bit comes out a bit breathier than Junmyeon had hoped for, but before he could dwell on it any further, Yifan was _kissing him._

On the _lips._

Yifan’s lips were as soft as Junmyeon had imagined, like two pillows pressing against his own. He feels a large hand- Yifan’s hand- cradling his head, guiding him to tilt his head and _oh-_

A moan slips out from Junmyeon’s lips, and it’s almost as if a switch has been flipped inside his head as he jerks back from the taller male, fingers held up to his lips and eyes wide. Yifan had kissed him. _Yifan_ had kissed _him._ Yifan, who had a boyfriend, had _just fucking kissed him_. 

Junmyeon needs to leave. He needs to leave _right now_ . He grabs his backpack and his coat and hightails it the _fuck_ out of Yifan’s office, ignoring the latter’s calls of his name.

What the _fuck?!_

────── 〔✿〕──────

Junmyeon skips his next discussion.

It’s been two weeks since he last stepped foot in a Starbucks, which means it’s been two weeks since he’s last seen Chanyeol and his dimples. Junmyeon thinks he’s having withdrawals.

Now he’s once again with his shitty friends at their favorite shitty diner, head face-down on the freshly cleaned tabletop, the scent of lemons burning his nostrils. There’s a hand rubbing his back- Sehun’s- in soothing circles, another patting his hair- Jongdae’s- every so often.

“So, let me get this straight,” Baekhyun starts, for once using his inside voice. “You failed last week’s quiz.”

“Yes.”

“Yifan caught you almost-cheating”

“Yes.”

“Asked you to see him during his office hours.’

“Yes”

“Then kissed you?”

Junmyeon groans in response, getting the phantom feeling of Yifan’s lips against his. He barely got any sleep last night, too overwhelmed with too many emotions to get more than an hour or two of shut-eye. His neck is starting to hurt a bit from the angle that he’s sitting at, and Jongdae had stopped petting him after the third “yes”.

He just wanted someone to pet him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. 

“He’s been moping about it all day. I woke up to him watching a video on writing midwestern emo songs and crying.” Jongdae, the _traitor_ , says. Junmyeon has known him long enough to _hear_ the eyeroll in his voice. “I don’t understand why he’s being like this. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Junmyeon snaps his head up so quickly he’s surprised he didn’t get whiplash. “Not a big deal?! He has a _boyfriend_ , Jongdae, a super hot, tall, adorably positive boyfriend with _dimples_ that is _not_ me. I basically helped him cheat!” Junmyeon’s voice comes out in much more of a whine than he had originally intended it to. Sehun moves his hand from his back to his hair. Junmyeon loves him again.

“That’s his own problem, not yours. You only feel guilty about it because you want to kiss his boyfriend, too.”

Junmyeon narrows his eyes at Jongdae, feeling attacked. “Anyone with a good moral compass would feel guilty about this, irregardless of whether or not they wanted to kiss the other’s partner.”

“Irregardless isn’t a word, Myeonnie.” Yixing cuts in. He was, as always, sitting beside Baekhyun, gaze soft and fond whenever he glances at his boyfriend. Junmyeon kinda wants to punch him in the face.

“ _Anyways_ , maybe you should just, I dunno, _talk to him_? Maybe they have an open relationship.” Jongin pipes up from where he’s sitting beside Jongdae. He was looking down at his phone, smiling down at it every couple of seconds, no doubt texting Kyungsoo. 

“Yeah, Hyung! Or, what if they both like you? That’s a thing, right? Throuples are a thing. You guys could be a throuple!” Sehun sounds way too excited about this prospect, eyes shining when Junmyeon chances a glance at the freshman. He’s still playing with Junmyeon’s hair, so he decides to go easy on him. The action was mellowing him out.

“Sehun, I don’t know _where_ you got the idea of a _throuple_ from, but I highly doubt either of them like me that way.”

“Hyung, he _kissed_ you.” Sehun sounds unimpressed.

“It could have been an accident? He probably didn’t mean it.” Junmyeon dies a little inside at the thought of Yifan kissing him _just because_. Maybe he somehow found out about Junmyeon’s little crush on him and just wanted to indulge him a little, just enough to satisfy him for the next couple of weeks. Maybe he felt sorry for him.

Junmyeon didn’t know which would hurt more.

“Oh no, no no no no _no_. Stop doing that.” Jongdae cuts through his thoughts.

“Stop doing what?” 

“ _Thinking._ It does you no good.”

_It does me plenty good_ , Junmyeon thinks to himself, tugging a bit on his sweater sleeves. It’s getting colder, the chilly weather typically associated with mid-November rearing its head. Junmyeon looks past Jongdae’s judgemental stare to the other people sitting at the table. He can feel Sehun’s eyes on him, the hand that was petting him now back to rubbing his back. 

Jongin is still texting Kyungsoo in between sips of his orange juice. He was wearing quite possibly the most adorably ridiculous _thing_ that Junmyeon has ever seen. _Was it supposed to be a sweater? A hoodie?_ Whatever it was, it was made out of brown faux fur, two small pockets in the front, and a hood attached. What made it cute were the attached round brown ears on its hood, meant to resemble a bear (Jongin had been _very_ excited to show him that aspect of the otherwise tacky garment). Junmyeon is pretty sure it was meant for a child, but Jongin was a baby, so he guesses it still serves its purpose. 

Yixing and Baekhyun were in their own world, having tuned out of their conversation a little while ago. Yixing was trying to feed Baekhyun a few of their shared french fries, while the latter was trying to explain to Yixing why milkshakes were _not_ an acceptable dipping sauce. It was oddly domestic. Junmyeon, not for the first time that evening, kinda wants to punch them.

“Hey, just because they’re all happy and in love doesn’t mean you can glare at them because _you_ aren’t.” Jongdae hisses into his ear, scaring Junmyeon a little. 

“I was not _glaring_ -”

“You were glaring, hyung.” Sehun pipes in.

Junmyeon didn’t know why he was constantly under attack, but he does _not_ appreciate it one bit. 

“I’m putting you up for adoption. Jongin is my new child.”

“Hey!”

────── 〔✿〕──────

“So you kissed him? You really did it? How did he react? Did he like it? Will he date us?” Chanyeol’s questions come in rapid fire. Yifan is a bit worried that he doesn’t hear his lover take a single breath in between them.

“Well, he didn’t show up to discussion today, so do with that what you will.”

Chanyeol frowns, eyebrows furrowing over his slightly widened eyes, overlapping in a way that was just so _Chanyeol_. 

“This sucks! He hasn’t even been back to the café, either!” Chanyeol complains, then he pauses. “You _did_ tell him that we both were interested in him, right? You don’t have him out there thinking that he just helped you cheat on me, _right Yifan?”_

Yifan gulps. “He ran out before I got the chance to!”

“Yifan!”

“I’m sorry!”

Chanyeol sighs, shaking his head in mock exaggeration. “We’ll never get a boyfriend at this rate.”

“Hey!” Yifan says, wounded. “Am I not enough for you?” He pouts for added effect. 

Chanyeol rolls his eyes before pecking him on the lips, smiling when Yifan holds him in place to deepen it. “You’re more than enough.”

Yifan smiles at him, allowing his gums to peak out from the tops of his teeth. Chanyeol squints at him. “You need to floss more.”

The bastard runs away to their bedroom before Yifan could retaliate, but he allows Chanyeol to think that he’s safe. 

Yifan finishes cleaning up their dining table (they had just finished dinner when Yifan had brought up his smooch fest with Junmyeon), dropping the dirty dishes into the sink to be done later. He walks over to their bedroom, taking a lightsaber from their umbrella stand by the front door, keeping his steps as quiet as possible. 

When he gets to the door, he takes a breath before throwing it open, turning on the lightsaber replica (he and Chanyeol _refuse_ to call them toys) and wielding it like he would a sword, smirking when he sees Chanyeol do the same. 

They charge at each other, using their own voices to simulate the noises that their weapons would make if they were really in the Star Wars universe. They dance around their bedroom, laughing whenever one of them bests the other. Chanyeol tries to sneak an attack on Yifan by tackling him from the bed, only to have the latter duck out of the way, sending him face-first into their dresser. Yifan, ever the responsible older boyfriend, stabs him with his lightsaber. “I win.”

Chanyeol grunts something about “unfair advantages” and “stupid reflexes”, but his complaints are cut short by the sound of someone knocking on their door. 

It could really only be one of five people: Minseok, Luhan, Kyungsoo, Tao (heaven forbid), or their landlord. Yifan is hoping for the landlord. He’s the easiest to deal with at half past nine ( _oh my god is it really that late_ ) in the evening. 

It’s Kyungsoo. Yifan dies a little inside.

“Why is Jongin telling me you hurt his mom’s feelings?”

────── 〔✿〕──────

Junmyeon pointedly ignores Yifan’s stares during the next lecture, instead keeping his eyes either on the projection screen or his laptop to take notes. Junmyeon tries not to be too disappointed in the fact that _this_ was what it had to take in order to get Junmyeon to fully pay attention during lecture. 

When he feels something nudging his leg, he looks up to see Baekhyun staring at him.

“What? Is there something on my face?” Junmyeon whispers. He wouldn’t put it past himself to have left a crumb or two left over from the bagel he had for breakfast.

“He’s _still_ staring. Make him stop.” Baekhyun whisper-hisses in response, agitation clear in his voice. 

Junmyeon looks around to where the TAs usually sit, immediately making eye contact with Yifan. Junmyeon widens his eyes to try to make himself seem more intimidating, but, judging by the small chuckle Yifan lets out, he doesn’t think his efforts are very successful. He then opts for a simple mouthing of ‘ _stop staring at me’_ before returning his attention back to the lecture. 

-

_Junmyeon is one stubborn piece of shit_.

Yifan has been trying to get the fucker to glance at him for the past forty five minutes, boring holes into the younger male’s head in hopes that he would just _fucking look at him._

What he gets, however, is that Byun kid that Junmyeon’s always hanging around glaring at him instead, subtly putting his middle finger up at him behind his friend’s back. Yifan didn’t even _know_ the kid, for fucks sake. 

_Why was he being such a dick to him? What did Junmyeon_ tell _him?_

When Junmyeon finally, _finally_ , looks at him, he… what the fuck was he _doing?_ Yifan chuckles a bit at how stupid the younger looks with his eyes widened the way he had them. It kinda reminded him of a surprised Chanyeol, minus the small fear that his eyes would fall out from his head.

Junmyeon mouths a ‘ _stop staring at me_ ’ before turning his attention back to the lecture, what Yifan _should_ be doing instead of trying to get the undergrad’s attention. Yifan huffs a little in frustration, going back to staring down the side of Junmyeon’s head. His fellow TA, Joohyun, hits him on the shoulder, gesturing towards the screen. 

Guess he has to pay attention. 

────── 〔✿〕──────

Junmyeon rushes out of the lecture hall before Yifan could even _attempt_ to talk to him (Junmyeon saw him trying to climb over three rows in his haste to get to him. He’s both impressed and scared).

Baekhyun is hot on his heels, laptop cradled in one of his arms and backpack slung casually over his other shoulder. “You gotta talk to him.”

“Baekhyun, it’s been a _day-”_

“I don’t care how long it’s been! The longer you wait to talk to the bastard the longer he’ll stare at you and, by association, _me_ , until you do! I dunno about you, but I’d rather _not_ be eyeballed while Professor Choi is lecturing about Fauvism.”

“I’ll talk to him, okay? Just… just not right now.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, but, judging by the arm he slings around his shoulders (he's moved his laptop to his other arm), he’s not actually annoyed at him. 

_Thank god for that._

────── 〔✿〕──────

Junmyeon formally meets Kyungsoo when Jongin brings him over to his and Jongdae’s dorm room that weekend. 

They’re around the same height, but the other was bald. He reminded Junmyeon of a chestnut. He was kinda cute, all large doe eyes and heart-shaped smiles. Junmyeon was pleasantly surprised that, despite Kyungsoo’s rather… harsh exterior (he had given Junmyeon _quite_ the scare when he had shown up in all black, complete with a black snapback and mask), he was actually really nice to be around. 

Kyungsoo had forgotten his glasses, so whenever someone who wasn’t right next to him spoke, he had to glare at them in order to see them. It was equal parts endearing and terrifying. 

Sehun had also brought the person that _he_ was talking to, the panda-looking guy that Junmyeon had met that night at the club, _Zitao, if he remembers correctly._

Like Kyungsoo, Junmyeon was pleasantly surprised at how nice the guy was. He’s been around him for a total of fifteen minutes and Junmyeon has already adopted him as his second child (Jongdae had forbade him from adopting Jongin, unfortunately). 

Zitao has even started calling him _“Mama”._

Junmyeon has also learned that Zitao is a _beast_ at Wushu. Junmyeon is also kinda scared of him. 

They’re all spread out around the small dorm room. Junmyeon, Sehun, and Zitao were spread out on Junmyeon’s twin mattress, his two (big) babies cuddled up on either side of him. Jongin was sitting in his desk chair with Kyungsoo in his lap, the latter having, apparently, lost a bet. Junmyeon thinks that he’s just using that as a cover up. Junmyeon knows baby when he sees it. 

Jongdae is spread out on his own bed, tilting and turning his head to see whoever’s talking. Baekhyun and Yixing are sitting together on the floor, leaning against one of the set of drawers sitting under Jongdae’s bed. Baekhyun has his head on Yixing’s shoulder and Yixing has his hand on Baekhyun’s leg, absentmindedly drawing shapes on the latter’s clothed thigh. 

"I can’t believe you guys’s first date was to a _mortuary_.”

“It wasn’t our _first_ date,” Zitao whines (he does that a lot, Junmyeon has also learned), “I had to visit a friend and Sehunnie just tagged along!”

“You’re friends with a mortician?” Junmyeon asks, not necessarily knowing how to feel about that fact.

“What’s wrong with being friends with a mortician? They’re people too, hyung.” Sehun questions, quick to come to Zitao’s aid.

“Yeah, hyung! Mortician’s deserve love, too!” Jongin pipes in, joining the other two _babies_ in being a thorn in Junmyeon’s side.

“Justice for morticians!” Baekhyun yells, signature annoying ass grin on his _extremely_ punchable face.

“Where was _your_ first date, Baekhyun?” Jongdae asks, thankfully deflecting the conversation away from Junmyeon’s assumed lack of regard for the social lives of morticians. 

“A _classy_ dinner and a movie,” Baekhyun says. “You know, like _normal_ people.”

“Booo! That’s _boring_.” Sehun says. “I bet Jongin and Kyungsoo hyung’s first date was way better.”

“I sucked his dick during a walk along the Han.” Jongin says, a little too blunt for Junmyeon’s liking. Kyungsoo slaps him lightly on the shoulder. “Stop telling people that.”

“Well I think _my_ first date with Heeyeon trumps all you guys.” Jongdae declares, unprompted.

“No one cares, Dae.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes, smiling when Jongdae lets out an offended squawk. 

“Hey! Plenty of people care! And for your information, we had a _lovely_ picnic in the park and got froyo after.”

Someone yawns at Jongdae’s statement, causing the entire group to break out into giggles. Junmyeon is secretly glad he got to evade the whole “first date” discussion. Sometimes having friends that were all in relationships made him wanna die. 

Don’t get him wrong, he’s happy for all of them (including Jongdae), they all deserve to be happy and in love, but so does _Junmyeon._ He likes to consider himself a pretty decent person, he takes care of his dumbass friends and leaves generous tips for all the waiters and waitresses that he’s come in contact with. Sure he has a personal vendetta against any and every Global Affairs student on campus, but he doesn’t _act_ on it, only mildly curses them whenever he sees them congregating together.

He deserves love and happiness. 

Hearing everyone’s stories just make him feel _single_ and _lonely_. At least when Baekhyun and Yixing finally pulled their heads out of their asses and started dating, he had Jongdae and the rest of their gang to join him in his bachelorhood. Now, he has no one. 

All his friends were getting (and giving) dick and he wasn’t _._ That’s unfair. 

He can’t really bring himself to enjoy the rest of their conversation, all he can think of is the fact that, once the rest of his friends leave, they’ll be with their significant others. Jongdae even has a date with Heeyeon later that evening, leaving him all alone to vegetate in their shared dorm room. It _sucked_.

And, sure, there’s more to life than relationships. He’s in college, studying to get his _dream job_ as an art curator. He has his friends, as shitty and annoying as they are, and he has his family. He gets to watch Minecraft videos and read Star Wars fanfiction without a boyfriend to make fun of him, and he can go out and drink and fuck anyone he wants. If anything, he should be happy that he’s single.

So why does he _hate_ it? 

His last relationship kinda sucked. He had dated an old friend of his, Minho, who cheated on him a good five months into their relationship. Granted, they weren’t really that compatible romantically, but _still_ . Why does everyone else get these wonderful, happy and healthy relationships while he gets fucking _cheated on?_

His other relationships were all just as shitty as that one. There was that one Chinese guy, Jackson if he remembers correctly, who left him for some other dude with a shitty bowl cut. There was that tall actor, Jisoo, who broke up with him after learning about Junmyeon’s lego fetish. His first boyfriend, whose name Junmyeon could not for the _life_ of him remember, dumped him on White day, then proceeded to make out with his ex right in front of him. 

Then Junmyeon finally, _finally_ finds someone, two people, who he thinks would make the _perfect_ partners, only to find out that they are dating _each other._

He figures he sort of deserves this though, since he _did_ kiss Yifan (his _TA,_ substitute or not), who he knew good and well was in a relationship. It doesn’t matter that Yifan had instigated the kiss; it takes two to tango, and Junmyeon’s tongue was _quite_ busy tangoing with Yifan’s. Maybe he is a horrible person. 

He feels something (or some _one_ ) kick him, and he looks over to find Sehun staring at him, expression unreadable. 

“What?” He asks, voice coming out a bit harsher than he intended.

“You seem… broody.” Sehun doesn’t look all that fazed at Junmyeon's tone, which he’s thankful for.

“I’m fine, Sehunnie. Don’t worry.”

“You said that a week ago, then never went to Starbucks again.” Baekhyun says and _oh no_. Junmyeon didn’t notice when the others' conversation ended, but they were now all staring at him. 

“Starbucks? The one right around the corner from here? What happened? I know a few people who work there.” Kyungsoo asks, thick brows furrowing ever so slightly. He’s no longer in Jongin’s lap, now standing and leaning against Junmyeon’s desk. Junmyeon figures Jongin kicked him off, if the way he keeps rubbing his thighs is any indication.

“Junmyeon got his feelings hurt when he found out the barista has a boyfriend.” Jongdae, the _traitorous bastard_ , says, once again completely _unprompted_.

“Thanks for telling my business, Jongdae.” 

“Chanyeol hyung?” Zitao asks.

Junmyeon sighs when Jongdae answers for him. “Yeah, that’s the one.”

“For the record, I don’t care that he has a boyfriend. That’s not why I’m upset.” Junmyeon rolls his eyes.

“Oh right! You _kissed_ his boyfriend! Junmyeon and Yifan sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-” Yixing thankfully puts his hand over Baekhyun’s mouth, but that damage was already done. 

Junmyeon’s face burns in shame when Kyungsoo’s eyes light up in recognition.

“You do realize that they are polyamorous, right hyung?” Kyungsoo quirks an eyebrow up at him, tilting his head along with it and-

Wait.

What?

“They’re what?” Junmyeon couldn’t have heard that right. There was no way in hell-

“Polyamorous? You know, when people are able to love more than one person? You seriously didn’t know?” 

“Well, to be fair,” Junmyeon wants to _strangle_ Jongdae since he _refuses_ to just let Junmyeon _speak._ “Jun _has_ been avoiding the both of them.”

“Wait. _You’re_ the guy they were telling us about?” Zitao asks, shocked. Junmyeon is confused. 

However, before he can voice his confusion, Kyungsoo is speaking again. “Hyung, you _gotta_ talk to them.”

“Well I _tried_ to tell him that, but apparently _it was too soon-_ “

“Would you please just _shut up_ , Baekhyun?” Junmyeon is about two seconds away from punching him right in his pretty face. 

“Well do it soon, hyung. Yifan hyung thinks he really fucked things up for you guys.” Kyungsoo says, leaning a bit into Jongin. 

“But wait,” Zitao says, furrowing his eyebrows. “Isn’t he your TA? There’s gotta be some policy or something that says you guys can’t date.”

“Well, considering that Yifan had played tonsil hockey in Junmyeon hyung’s mouth,” Sehun pointedly ignores Junmyeon’s indignant squawk, “I don’t really think he cares about that.”

“Besides, he’s not _actually_ his TA, he’s just filling in for Seulgi until she feels better.” Baekhyun clarifies, smiling in contentment when Yixing rewards him with a head scratch. It looks like it feels good. Junmyeon also wants a head scratch. 

And a boyfriend.

“I _guess_ I can talk to him after lecture on Tuesday.” Junmyeon says, sighing when Kyungsoo smiles gratefully at him. 

_Hopefully it all goes well._

────── 〔✿〕──────

Okay, so _maybe_ Junmyeon didn’t get as much sleep as he should have during the remainder of the weekend, so that _has_ to be the blame for what he does Monday morning. 

He’s up before his alarm, slightly groggy and disoriented from staying up half the night thinking about this whole mess with Yifan and Chanyeol. Part of him a little hopeful that Kyungsoo and Zitao were telling the truth, that the couple were wanting to include him into their relationship.

The other part of him, the more realistic and rational side, wasn’t quite as hopeful.

He goes about the motions of his morning routine, bearing in mind that Jongdae was still sleeping only a couple feet away from him. His hair was being a bit stubborn that morning, a lone tuft of hair trying its _damnedest_ to stand up straight from the back of his head. Junmyeon grabs a beanie and hopes that it hides his Alfalfa hair. 

It doesn’t.

He’s dressed and out his building in record time, mind in a completely different world as his feet take him to _The Steam Room_ (Junmyeon's still not sold on the name). He’s still trying to decide how he’s gonna go about talking to Yifan (he’s still feeling a bit too guilty about their kiss to talk to Chanyeol, plus, he’s pretty sure the latter wouldn’t even have too much time to talk to him anyway). He’d rather do it where there wouldn’t be anyone else around, just in case his rational brain was correct in thinking that their shared kiss had been a mistake. The less witnesses, the less embarrassing it would be when Yifan inevitably turned him down. 

He opens the door to _The Steam Room_ , barely paying attention to where he’s going before he walks straight into a wall.

Wait. 

When entering _The Steam Room_ , you’d typically walk into the shop’s main floor, where all the tables and booth would be. 

_Not a wall._

Junmyeon finally takes in his surroundings, paling when he makes eye contact with someone who looks _suspiciously_ like Chanyeol. 

He had gone to fucking _Starbucks._

But that wasn’t it. The coffee shop was relatively empty, save for Chanyeol and, as Junmyeon’s shitty luck will have it, _Yifan_ . Minseok and the other barista ( _Luhan_ , if Junmyeon remembers correctly) are busy chatting as they wipe down the machines and check their stock of ingredients and pastries, too in-their-own-world to notice the shocked silence that had fallen between the other three occupants of the café. 

_Shit._

“Junmyeon! Hey!” Chanyeol is the first to break their awkward threeway staring contest, glancing at Yifan before beckoning Junmyeon over. Junmyeon’s temple aches as he stays rooted to his spot. 

“I think we all need to have a chat.” Yifan says, warily watching the way Junmyeon’s eyes dart between him, Chanyeol, and the door.

_What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what-_

Chanyeol steps out from behind the counter at the same time Yifan starts to slowly make his way over to where Junmyeon is stood frozen in his spot. Chanyeol licks his lips, eyes wide (how they don’t fall out of their sockets, Junmyeon doesn’t know) as he watches his boyfriend cautiously approach him. 

“Listen, I know last week was… well, it _happened_. But if you would let me explain-”

“You kissed me.” 

“Well, yes, but-”

“Please date us! Yifan is dumb and I need someone to help me counteract his dumb.” Chanyeol rushes out, pushing Yifan out his way as we hastens towards where Junmyeon’s standing. 

“What? We _talked_ about this! I was going to explain and _then_ you were supposed to-”

“You guys wanna date me?” Junmyeon asks, voice coming out small and confused.

“Well, _yeah_ , you’re just so _cute_ and-”

“And what he’s trying to say” Chanyeol cuts Yifan off again, “is that we both really like you, and would love to take you out. On a date, that is.” Chanyeol is grinning at him, and Junmyeon gets a little distracted by the dimple that he is blessed with. Yifan nods excitedly next to him, the beginnings of a hopeful gummy smile on his lips. 

“And you’re being serious? You guys actually like me? You don’t just feel sorry for me?” Junmyeon can’t help but be a little skeptical. It’s been a long time since he’s had a single person interested in him, let alone _two_. 

“Yes, yes, 100% serious. As serious as can be. The most serious people on this side of Korea.” Yifan is speaking a little too fast, but his words ring sincere in Junmyeon’s ears. Junmyeon can’t help but blush a little at the enthusiasm. 

“Okay… yeah, let’s… let’s go on a date.” Junmyeon grins up at the two giants, giggling a bit when both of their smiles widden. Yifan has a full row of gums visible, which shouldn’t be as adorable as it is on his _devastatingly_ handsome face. Junmyeon’s insides warm.

He now has a date!! Two dates!! Super-hot-tall guy and his super-hot-tall boyfriend want to take him on a date!! Junmyeon can’t believe it. 

Chanyeol glances over to the door, smile drooping a bit. “I gotta get back to work, the first wave of Global Affairs kids are on the horizon.” Chanyeol’s tone is rueful, and Junmyeon gives him a sympathetic smile and a _fighting!_ gesture. 

“Here, give me your number and we can work out a date and stuff.” Yifan holds his phone out to Junmyeon, also glancing at the door. “And hurry, this shop isn’t big enough for all of us.”

Junmyeon giggles up at him before he happily takes the proffered phone and punches his number into it. 

He leaves the Starbucks with a mocha and a smile on his face. 

.

.

.

.

.

_fin._

**Author's Note:**

> For clarification (it isn't all that necessary, but):
> 
> \- JD, JM, and BH are all the same age in this fic. they are all juniors.  
> \- CY and YX are seniors  
> \- KS is a sophmore  
> \- ZT, JI, and SH are all freshman  
> \- Xiuhan just kinda... exist ig.
> 
> Chrome's spell checking system kept trying to get me to change Junmyeon's name to Junction. Do with that information as you will.


End file.
